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Bogus Fortune Cookies

As we stated in show #23, there are a lot of bogus fortune cookies in the world. I’ve never met anyone who writes fortune cookies, but I have a hard time believing it is a difficult line of work. The name of the product dictates your job for goodness sakes. If you can write a complete sentence and understand the concept of simple future tense, you are certain to excel in this field. However, an unfortunate trend has developed over the past few years with fortune cookies, which is a complete lack of fortunes. Today, I would like to share a few of these lackluster slips of paper I have received.

Let’s take a look at this piece of work:


As I stated above it’s called a fortune cookie, not an advice cookie. Nothing on that slip of paper gave me any indication of the future. When I open a fortune cookie I want some silly little thing about things to come while I eat a dry, oddly shaped, vanilla cracker. Here is another fortune in a similar vein:

Don’t tell me how to live my life, cookie.

The fortunes above are a bit irritating, but at least they are not outright plagiarism, unlike the following:


Seriously? I guess the author never thought someone might have heard of Benjamin Franklin or the Poor Richard’s Almanack. Isn’t it easier to make up your own fortunes than to steal someone’s material? Heck, The Amazing Criswell made an entire career pulling predictions out of his ass.


See! How easy was that? Some goofball in a tuxedo put more effort into predicting the future than the author of maybe the laziest fortune ever written.


If you have some fortune cookies you would like to share, please send an email or contact us on Twitter. We are @ATouchOfCrass. If we like what we see, we might just share them on the site or podcast.